I've Lost My Donkeys

Whenever people find out I have a blog titled Intentional Platypus the next thing they want to know is, "Why?"  As I said in my first post, it is because a Platypus looks like and accident or a hoax.  A mix-up of stuff that looks like it belongs somewhere else or to someone else.  But just because something looks wrong to us doesn't mean that it is.

Twenty years ago I read a book called Trusting God by Jerry Bridges.  As I remember it, the book was an exhaustive Biblical defense of the belief that God was in control of everything.  Not just large cosmic events.  Not just sweeping historic storylines, but everything that happens to each individual person.

At the time that I read the book, I hadn't really wrestled with this concept.  I had just coasted on it since my life had been relatively free from suffering. Subconsciously I guess I would give God credit for the "good" stuff and just chalk the rest of it up to chaos.  As they say, "[Stuff] happens." But that Summer some really bad stuff had suddenly come my way and seemingly obliterated all my future plans.  As I wallowed in self-pity and confusion, God sent Jerry Bridges book along to remind me that what was happening to me wasn't just the chaos of an impersonal universe, but it was His plan to get me back where I needed to be.

At first I was resistant to the idea.  After all, a lot of bad stuff happens to people.  But as Mr. Bridges beat me into submission with one Bible passage after another, I finally had to come to grips with a new problem.  This God I said I believed in was both the good cop and the bad cop.  If God was responsible for the bad stuff too (especially the bad stuff that happened to me), could I still believe that He loved me and had my best interests at heart?  It seemed to me that this was the real challenge of faith: not just to simply believe in God's existence, but to accept, trust and obey Him while He allows garbage to rain down on your head.

One of my favorite Bible passages along these lines is not some flowery Psalm or philosophical epistle, but a simple story from first Samuel chapter 9.  In this story Saul's father loses his donkeys (chaotic), then Saul goes out to find them but can't (bad), and finally Saul's servant suggests that they spend their last thin quarter of a shekel in a desperate bid to ask Samuel for some advice (worse).  Then in verses 15 and 16 God pulls back the curtain to allow us to see that He was the one behind the chaos and badness.

"Now a day before Saul's coming, the LORD had revealed this to Samuel saying, 'About this time tomorrow I will send you a man from the land of Benjamin, and you shall anoint him to be prince over My people Israel; and he will deliver My people from the hand of the Philistines For I have regarded My people, because their cry has come to Me.'" - 1 Samuel 9:15-16 NASB

God could have appeared to Saul in a vision and told him to go to the man of God, but He didn't.  He could have told Samuel to go find Saul, but He didn't.  Instead, he used some lost donkeys. Frustrating? Most definitely.  Inefficient?  Seems that way.  I could speculate and theorize about the why God did it this way, but the truth is that I will never know and likely not even understand His reasoning.  Maybe lost donkeys are just His style.  What I do know is that God doesn't change, and he is still using everyday things like lost donkeys to move people where he wants them.  So the next time you've lost your car keys or your way or are frustrated by life's seeming chaos, just remember that God uses little everyday things to get us where He wants us to be.  And being where God wants you is a very good thing.  Think of Saul's lost donkeys when you're in the midst of the chaos, and just maybe you can keep from looking like a lost donkey yourself.

Letter to a Divorcing Brother

Hey Brother,

Okay, as you might have guessed, I heard that you & your wife have decided to divorce.  Because I respect you both, there are very few words that adequately describe how crappy this makes me feel. I'm sure that doesn't come close to how bad both of you must feel.

I can still remember the feelings of shame, failure, disappointment, anger, frustration and indignation during a time when the specter of divorce loomed over my own marriage. This was a time when the ocean of hurt and disrespect between my wife & me seemed impossible to cross. Even if I had wanted to reconcile with such a demanding, disrespectful and unreasonable woman, I couldn't see how it could happen. During these dark times certain verses really impacted me:

"Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives;  but from the beginning it has not been this way."  -Matthew 19:8

Was my heart hard? Wasn't she the hard hearted one?

"Another thing you do: You flood the LORD's altar with tears. You weep and wail because He no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands.  You ask, 'Why?' It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.  "I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel ... So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith." -Malachi 2:13-16

Maybe it wasn't all about me and my happiness?  Divorce couldn't possibly be God's will.  Perhaps God didn't call me to the mission field or to martyrdom, but simply to keep my marriage together and raise Godly children.  But reconciling meant I would have to sacrifice, to deny the things I wanted for myself.  Was this what He meant when he said, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." (Luke 9:23)?  Jesus had to choose between obedience to God and following His own desires.  I was in my own little Garden of Gethsemane.  God was calling me to lose my life, but not for my wife's sake, for His.

"Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." -Matthew 10:39

These close shaves with divorce were about 8 or 9 years ago when I was having such a hard time at Freightliner with my psycho boss.  My career was circling the drain and I was so wrapped up in myself that it is embarrassing to think about now.  I started drinking beer every night (I don't even like beer!) and filling my life with distractions.  It took the threat of divorce to finally get my attention.  I can still remember walking down Beaverton-Hillsdale Highway sobbing and calling on Jesus to help me.  I can say now that God answered my call for help, and I have been finding my life ever since.  Not where I thought it was, but in a better place that God designed for me.

The name of Jesus is so very powerful.  Thousands of years ago the prophet Joel said, "All who call on the name of the Lord will be saved," and I am here to testify to the truth of that statement.  God plucked my life and marriage from what I thought was a certainty of divorce, failure and brokenness. I'm telling you my story in the hopes that it will inspire you to call on the name of Jesus and fight tooth and nail for your marriage. Obviously, a marriage takes two people, desiring to follow God, in order to succeed. Because of this you may not win.  But in the end you can say that you fought the good fight.

Know that I love you both and that I am praying for you.

Your Brother,

Randall